What’s Australian For ACLU

Feb. 28, 2008   1 Comment  

Tell me what you think of when you hear the beginning of this quote, “It feels natural to do my noise. I’m not faking it.” It sounds to me like it came right out of an episode of Seinfeld. Now, it’s time for you start feeling bad about yourself because that quote came from a nine year old Australian girl in response to her “over-zealous” grunting during her tennis matches. Her local club has banned her from competing unless she gets her noises under control, unlike her idol, Maria Sharapova. I just find this whole situation a little awkward and want you to feel a little uncomfortable also. Pretty soon someone is going to make a joke that crosses the line, because it seems to mean that this is only reason it has become such a big deal. Personally, the only thing worse than women’s sports it little girl sports. Stop reporting on this.

(here’s a news report thanks to a reader)

What’s On Your Cranium, My Dear Myron?

Feb. 27, 2008   Leave a Comment  

Here is the article that I wrote for the Big Time otherwise known as the main page. Check it out and get a glimpse into what I love about sports by learning about a man that I grew up listening to. Also, I’ve included a video that makes me tear up.


Myron Cope, the 35-year color commentary man for the Pittsburgh Steelers died Wednesday morning in a nursing home in Mt. Lebanon, Pa. Cope had been struggling with his health since leaving the broadcast booth after the 2004 season.

Before joining the Steelers family, Cope was a widely read freelancer for Sports Illustrated reporting on such iconic figures as Howard Cosell and Roberto Clemente. He later moved onto to television at the request of a station manager, before being hired by a franchise that had not yet seen much success in a nearly 50-year history.

Cope along with a certain fair haired quarterback from Louisana Tech made their respective debuts with the Steelers on September 20, 1970, and it took only two seasons before the once pride less team became arguably the greatest dynasty in professional football history.

During this time Cope developed a relationship with the fans of Pittsburgh that rivaled none, delighting fans with his “yinzer” accent and quirky catchphrases that only he could get away with using. His countless “yoi’s” and “double yoi’s” as well as his classic music video will live on throughout the history of the Steelers as the turning point. A turning point from a baseball town to a football town, it was a turning point that gave the city and fans an identity.

“I guess sometimes in the football business we all take ourselves too seriously and Myron never let anybody do that, so he had that knack for sort of reminding us of what business we were in,” Art Rooney once said of the 5′4″ broadcasting icon.

His contributions also ranged to five books, none entirely about the Steelers, the prevalence of the term “the Immaculate Reception” and most of all his creation of the “Terrible Towel.” The towel was original and has not been done better in more than 30 years, but the truly significant fact about this favorite dish rag is that in 1996, Cope donated his ownership of the trademarks to the Allegheny Valley School. Over $1 million has been raised to support this institution caring for over 900 physically and mentally disabled children.

Funeral arrangements have not yet been made, but expect nothing short of a remembrance rivaling the man who hired him, Art Rooney. Steeler nation will genuinely mourn grieve after this loss and reminisce as this is the end of an era. In Pittsburgh his passing will be taken as a loss of royalty because when it comes to the Steel City, Myron Cope is as close as you can come to being a king.

A Hypothetical Phone Conversation

Feb. 25, 2008   Leave a Comment  

This is a follow up to my last post, in which I stated that Harry Caray was listed in the phone book for his entire career. I thought of what it would have been like to call some buck.jpgbroadcasters of today.

Can you imagine calling up Joe Buck? I think here is how the conversation would go:

Fan calls Joe Buck

Buck: This is Joe Buck, nationally televised Broadcaster of the World Series and Superbowl, widely known as Fox’s bitch.

Fan: Joe Buck, I can’t believe it’s you, I’m like your biggest fan. You have the voice, the pedigree and perfect relationship with your teammate in the booth.

Buck: Leave me alone kid, I only talk on television. Anyways, I have to get back into the hot tub with Tim McCarver so we can think of the best new way to hate on the underdog while acting like bigger douches. PS, I love my comb over, especially because I am not nearly old enough to have one.

Click

If The Moon Was Made Out Of BBQ Spare Ribs…

Feb. 25, 2008   Leave a Comment  

Hello Again Everybody, I am a lazy piece of shit so I waited until now to finally discuss one of my idols in sports, someone who transcended the game that he covered and became a pop culture figure. His name, Harry Caray, a man who used the booth to express his opinions as a fan not a as a broadcaster. Caray never tried to act like an analyst or question why a certain technique was used. The only thing Caray ever thought of was having a good time at the ball game, with his version of a good time being a cold beer and a Cubs win.

The legendary play-by-play man died ten years ago this week. I remember shedding a tear when I heard the news of Caray death, because for some reason every Cubs game was broadcast on WGN and into my home in western Pennsylvania. Caray may get made fun of (thanks to Will Ferrell) and may not be seen as legitimate (false), but he made the game fun to watch. I just regret that I was too young pick up on the real meanings behind some of these infamous quotes.

“To some people this is beer. To me it’s bread and butter.”

“You see a lot more guys dropping dead jogging than going to the neighborhood bar. I see a lot more old drunks than old doctors.”

“Boy oh Boy. Budweiser. How can they make it so cheap and have it taste so good?”

“Anyone who tells you that you can have as much fun sober as you can drinking is lying to you.”

“What does a Mama bear on the pill have in common with the World Series?
No Cubs.”

Do you really want to know how true a fan Harry Caray was? He never took his phone number out of the yellow pages. Anyone and everyone could have called this living legend and he wouldn’t go nuts, he would just have a conversation like a normal person. After once again remembering the greatness that was Harry Caray, I have one wish.

I wish that Harry Caray was still alive so that I could call him up and tell him what to start calling his favorite beer. Studweiser.

If anyone drank a real “Studweiser,” it was Harry Caray. An American Hero.

Gerald Green Blows, Among Other Things

Feb. 18, 2008   1 Comment  

This past weekend brought on the worst All-Star game in sports for yet another year, while also providing the most entertaining skills competition of any All-Star festivities. I don’t know how the NBA does it, but they always seem bring back many high profile former players. This could be due to the effort of NBA execs or because of the mentality of many NBA players, just think about it, you don’t see to many intraverted basketball players on any level. Just thought I would add that observsation before talking about the leaps that have been made in the dunk contest in the past two years that have made it marquee once again. Last year there was Dwight Howard and the sticker, and this year he was upped in creativity with Gerald Green blowing out a candle before throwing one down. The dunk contest lets these guys get creative and have fun while making people laugh. Showmanship should be the name of every all-star weekend, and I look forward to seeing what is next. Dan Patrick made the best suggestion a couple weeks ago in an interview with the eventual dunk champion, Dwight Howard. His suggestion was to put lipstick on and kiss the backboard before dunking. We’ll see where this contest goes in the future, I know I’m looking forward to the entertainment.

The Saga That Is Kevin Hart

Feb. 11, 2008   Leave a Comment  

I wanted to wait until most of this story came out before writing about it and finally think that it is time. By now, hopefully you have heard of Kevin Hart, the 6’5” 290 pound lineman from Nevada, who concocted his own recruiting battle over the past six months. The high school senior’s decision came down to the Cal Golden Bears and the Oregon Ducks in front of a packed gymnasium as well as family, friends and coaches. Hart ended up picking up the Cal hat and stating that Coach Tedford was a main reason for his choice, however Tedford had never spoken to or recruited the 18 year old. The backlash came swiftly as news of the choice hit recruiting websites with numerous coaches bluntly saying that they had never recruited him. Originally it was thought that someone was playing a cruel joke on the teen, which would have been hilarious, but it came out the Hart just made it all up himself, which is just sad. This kid was just another one of those high school athletes in a small town that really wasn’t that special even though everyone else thought he was. Hart ego was so taken over that he went as far as pulling off this entire hoax, which may even leave his coach without a job. Personally, this kid deserves everything that is coming to him by taking something away from those high school athletes who truly deserve the spotlight. This storyline is just aching to be written into an episode of Friday Night Lights, as long as the best show on television comes back for another season. The worst part is that Hart is standing up to the scrutiny; he hasn’t been back to school and is not talking to reporters. Once again, the “Small Town Superstar” still can’t face the music and refuses to realize what high school is all about, getting an education and learning how to grow up. So, here’s to Kevin Hart, keep feeling bad for yourself because no one cares. You were an offensive guard from a small town in Nevada that no one really cared about, make your way over to your town’s community college, leave after a couple semesters of failure and good luck working in some kind of factory for the rest of your life. The good thing is, you won’t be able to get out of the town that led you to believe you could play with the real superstars.

P.S. You know something that really sucks, this whole situation is going to get blamed on the current system of recruiting, which is excitement, promise and despair all rolled into one. Every player is like their own movie and I like watching. So, please don’t dwell on the way things work, dwell on the fact that this kid needs to grow up.

 

Chris “I Said A…” Berman, “It’s Cold Out Here”

Feb. 2, 2008   Leave a Comment  

Chris Berman has been on TV entirely too long and just seems to get progressively fatter and have longer disgusting hair with each passing NFL season. It is time for some fresh blood on NFL Primetime, and as evidenced by this video, it is about eight years too late.

WNBA Takes Some Midol

Feb. 2, 2008   Leave a Comment  

It was reported on Monday that the WNBA has reached a new Collective Bargaining Agreement totaling six years, thus avoiding a strike as well as some stomach pains, while also continuing to expose young girls everywhere to women who get paid to be lesbians. By that comment, I’m just saying that most of the women competing in the league dolisa leslie not take pride in their appearance and live up to stereotype of a female athlete. It’s all about effort in looking good and I am just not seeing this from the female ranks on the hardcourt. Lisa Leslie is the exception to this rule, she is a former MVP and always make sure to look good on and off the court. Let’s take women’s tennis for example and maybe even golf, they are forced to look presentable and it adds some credibility to the game. They look good and it makes it easier to watch when they’re obviously not the best at the sport. And I don’t want to hear that women’s sports are just as exciting as men’s sports because this is just not true – just as with random hook-ups, there is a double standard. Also, don’t try and tell me that women don’t watch men’s sports to look at the guys, women’s athletics should realize this and understand want men want to watch. I have tried to prove this with some well placed links for the real men that read this blog, but otherwise, let me know what you think. For those of you that don’t agree with me, rest assured that your league, the WNBA, will continue to produce many more Advocate subscribers in the years to come.