A Blast Magazine blog
April 30, 2008 1 Comment
I remember watching Little Giants thinking that there was no way that the Ice-Box, Becky O’Shea had any shot at being hot. Clearly based on the pictures below I was wrong. After following up on Little Giants with The American President and Mr. Headmistress (which starred Harland Williams who is hilarious when not in dumb-ass TV movies about girl’s boarding schools where they place field hockey) she got hot. Hey Ice-Box, just call me Junior.
April 29, 2008 Leave a Comment
Yes, I am speaking of the object of everyone’s disgust, Max Kellerman. He was the first host of Around the Horn and ditched that show to create the worst program conceivable. I must admit that I give him credit for taking the Disembodied Voice with him to Fox, but they should have kept that persona. The main mistake the program I, Max made was giving Michael Holley a regular gig, the nose ring should have been the first clue. I do have some respect for Kellerman however, solely based on a knowledge of boxing that few possess.
Now, it’s time for you to gain a little more respect for Max. Apparently back in 1994, Kellerman and his late brother Sam had a rap group that put out a single that has been going around the internet. It really isn’t that bad for early ’90s rap, there are some corny moments including the video of Muhammed Ali at the beginning, but overall I am kind of impressed. What I’m not impressed by is his resemblance to Edward Norton from American History X, while using Snoop’s body language when he raps.
April 29, 2008 Leave a Comment
Yesterday, it was announced that Barry Zito will be headed to the bullpen after an 0-6 start to season and a 7.53 ERA. I’m pretty sure that Zito will enjoy the low-key persona of being a long-reliever, and he’ll enjoy the rest of that $126 million contract as well. I also feel like Barry’s going to have too much free time out in there in the pen. With nothing really to do, I could see him right now in the corner of the outfield practicing yoga or experimenting with a variety of hallucinogens. So, to prevent the demise of the 2002 Cy Young Award winner, here are some things that Barry Zito needs to do to get back in the rotation:
1. Get more intense – the lackadaisical attitude might work as a youngster aggravating the veterans into poor at-bats, but as a veteran he has to get some attitude and show the younger guys why he won a Cy Young.
2. Take some pressure off, give back some money – I’m only saying this because less pressure would help, and he surely doesn’t need $126 million with a lifestyle of living on the beach and playing the guitar, okay, maybe that salary does come in handy with the amount of Birckenstocks he probably owns.
3. Change first name - he was named after a “freethinker” brother of his mother’s whom she once described as “the original beatnik.” Also, the quotes in that link kind of make me want to go watch porn, eat beef jerky, smoke cigars and drink some Natty in order to counteract the stuff I just read.
Basically, Barry, follow these 3 steps, go watch some Denis Leary comedy and take it seriously.
April 29, 2008 Leave a Comment
Deuce of Davenport posted about this story, which involved the former “best soccer player in the world,” extortion and transvestite prostitutes. Yeah boy, it sounds like a story that should be told on Howard Stern. Two-time World Cup champion, Ronaldo, was found at a hotel a hotel in Brazil involved in a argumentwith a few transvestites that he had come to an agreement with for sex. Prostitution is legal in Brazil, so I guess it’s not that big of a deal over there, but the trannies tried to get $30,000 out of the gap-toothed forward in return for hiding the situation from the media. It’s hard to believe that he is out looking for STD’s when his last two relationships were with an MTV Brazil VJ and a supermodel. The best part of this story comes in a quote from police inspector Carlos Augusto Nogueira:
“He admitted to everything, he wanted to have fun,” Nogueira said. “But he committed no crime at all, it was immoral at best.”
I believe that Nogueira got the words a little mixed up, he probably meant, “Immorality at it’s best.”
April 28, 2008 Leave a Comment
I just came across this story and I can’t believe that more blogs did not pick up on it. Former Major Leaguer Shea Hillenbrand’s son was bitten by a pet lemur in their home some weeks ago. From this report, I get word that the Hillenbrand clan planned on opening up a petting zoo in their backyard, a petting zoo that they hoped would include a monkey-type thing that looked like it took a few too many greenies. After hearing this story I have one question, was the lemur’s name John Gibbons? Now, here is a video of what Roger Clemens looked like when he first saw the 15 year old Mindy McCready.
April 25, 2008 1 Comment
Over the past few months, thousands of NFL prospects have been evaluated not only on their abilities, but also on their families situations and their character issues. One player in particular has been in the spotlight more than others, his name is Darren McFadden, and probably unlike many players, his off-field concerns might be garnering a larger spotlight than his talents. Hopefully, you saw the little interview special McFadden had with ESPN’s Michael Smith. Many personal topics were up for discussion, here’s a little rundown:
1. He has been in two bar brawls in the since 2006 – One involving a brother’s argument with a bouncer, the other involving someone that tried to steal another brother’s car
2. He has brother’s that were in rival gangs – none other than the Bloods and the Crips
3. He has two illegitimate children, for which he has claimed responsibility for without ever having a blood test
On top of all of this, his mother has come out and said that she did not want him to be drafted by the Jets or Raiders for fear of the cities being too big. She also proclaimed that she would love to see Darren end up in Dallas. So, Darren McFadden’s mother wants him to end up in Dallas with none other than Pac Man Jones as a possible teammate, coupled with the inevitable scene from Gangland with his two brothers, while possibly also preparing for the next installment of paternity tests on Maury.(I hope he uses a future end-zone celebration if “he is not the father”) Oh, and she added that they plan to move the whole family in with Darren, that is 11 siblings, a number high enough for my stylebook to tell me I have to write the actual digits and not the words.
April 23, 2008 1 Comment
Eric Byrnes is my favorite player in all of sports for even more reasons as of today. I learned from Tirico Suave that the mustache man comes to plate with “Your Love” by the Outfield blasting over the PA. This has to be the best entrance music of any Major Leaguer. I still remember going to games and seeing Jason Kendall come out to the Road Dogg Jesse James DX entrance dialogue. I also remember hearing that Jason Giambi came out to WCW Wolfpack music, which is classic. There have obviously been some good ones, but here are some prospective combinations:
Daisuke Matsuzaka - Tokyo Drift - The Fast and The Furious: Tokyo Drift
Nick Johnson - The Sound a Walrus Makes – WalrusesÂ
Alfonso Soriano – Jump – Van HalenÂ
Any Steroid User – Stronger – Christina AguileraÂ
David Eckstein - I Wish – Skee-Lo
Jeff Kent – Dukes of Hazzard Horn – The General Lee’s Actual Car Horn
Ryan Braun, Kevin Youkilis, any Jewish player – Hava Nagila
Derek Jeter – Tainted Love – Soft Cell
Alex Rodriquez – Freedom 90 -Â George Michael
Kris Benson – I’m a Bitch – Meredith Brooks
Eric Gagne - You Dropped a Bomb on Me – The Gap Band
April 23, 2008 Leave a Comment
The Yankees players have had it hard enough keeping their hair coiffed to perfection, but now Joe Girardi is banning candy and ice cream from the clubhouse. Like a scene from the cinema classic, Heavy Weights, players have been seen trying to smuggle their chocolately favorites past the over-bearing Girardi, or as he is now known, Tony Perkis. Maybe a little “Perkis Power” is all that is needed to get the Yankees past Baltimore in the standings. Here are some quotes from Girardi’s alter-ego:
“Congratulations, you’ve just joined the 76% of Americans who forget to stretch before doing any physical activity.”Â
“Attention campers. Lunch has been cancelled due to lack of hustle. Deal with it.”
“Kids, at age 12, I weighed 319 pounds. I had bad skin, low self-esteem, and no self-respect. Now, I eat success for breakfast, with skim milk.”
April 23, 2008 Leave a Comment
According to Awful Announcing, it has been confirmed that Scott Van Pelt will be taking over the hour-long void left by the departure of Stephen A. Smith, while also joining Mike Tirico as a permanent co-host. Obviously, this move was sparked by the need to get Michele Tafoya out of harms way. So after clicking on that link, you know a little about the exploits of Mr. Tirico, but here is a little voice message left by Van Pelt on a female’s answering machine back in 2006. Deadspin put it best by describing the message as a Jon Favreau rambling from Swingers. I am looking forward to some possible discussion of their dealings with women, and hopefully they just make some random phone calls on air. They say the show is going to be called the “Tirico and Van Pelt Show.” I think it should be called “The Stalker and The Weirdo.” These two have probably turned some women into lesbians, but at least the show will be better.
April 22, 2008 Leave a Comment
Today, a photo began circulation from a Bang Bros. video.(the guys who get girls off the street, bang them in a van and then trick them into getting out of the van before driving away) There has been some speculation as to whether the photo is real, but I want to let you be the judge. It quite possibly be a photoshop job, but I would never put something like this past T.O. I’m going to go with Digg.com on this one and take it as fact. I guess this appearance finally shows us that Owens is into novelty porn. Maybe, he’s getting some tips before starting the same trend on the Cowboys team bus. Something tells me that Jessica wouldn’t be down, or maybe she would?
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