The Ultimate Warrior Turns 49 And Still Won’t Take Any Of Your Shit

This post comes from special correspondent Tom, for some much needed WWE action. Tom can be found writing words of pure majesty at mindexplosion.net.

Happy belated birthday to former (and present in my heart) WWF heavyweight champion of the world, comic book writer, and true American patriot, The Ultimate Warrior. 49 years ago on June 16, The Warrior’s mother’s birth canal received a gorilla press drop, and introduced to the world one of the greatest human beings ever to walk God’s green earth. Although he has been somewhat out of the spotlight for the past few years, the Warrior has kept a blog and even posts videos from time to time when he isn’t busy teaching the world that queering doesn’t make the world work.

Although Vince McMahon’s Million Dollar Mania was quite the promotional vehicle, I believe The Ultimate Warrior has trumped him with his recent contest to spread the news of his return to the squared circle on June 25th in Barcelona, Spain. On his latest video blog, Warrior offers sweat drenched, used workout tank tops off of his own back to a few lucky fans. All you have to do, is submit an inspirational comment to the Warrior’s website, and it better fucking be good. Remember, this is the same guy who beat the shit out of Hulk Hogan in his prime. Check out the video, but you will have to wait through a solid 2 minutes and 47 seconds of Warrior’s bicep workout and a modern day pose down before he speaks but it is well worth it.

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Even the soundtrack is epic… In fact, cancel the 2009 Academy awards and give all of the awards to the Warrior right now.

Best Actor: Ultimate Warrior

Best Supporting Actor: Ultimate Warrior’s Massive Pythons

Best Actress: Any man who dare stand next to the Warrior.

You think Barack Obama is an inspirational speaker? Ultimate Warrior for president… of the Universe. Rest assure his platform will not be one of “change” but instead, one of death, destruction and clotheslines. Here is a tidbit of Warrior’s awe inspiring rhetoric in case you missed it:

“I wear these white tank tops for a couple reasons, I’ll give you one of them today. Cause it reminds me of a time when I was a young kid, and it was the only kind of tank top, athletic top you could get. And the only protein performance enhancement you had was the milk in the refrigerator and busting you your ass and busting balls inside the gym.”

In related news, the Iron Sheik is still awaiting a response to his open challenge to The Ultimate Warrior.

In WWE Jun 19th, 2008 | No Discussion |

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