Notre Dame Football- Charlie Weis

Charlie Weis’ hiring was supposed to bring forth national championships, Heisman Trophy winners, big time recruits and major bowl wins.  Four season in and there has been no national titles, one top 5 finish in Heisman voting (Brady Quinn), two blowout BCS bowl losses, and one Hawaii Bowl victory.  The recruiting has been a different story, as loads of 5 Stars have flocked to South Bend.  Turning them into winners is the name of the game though, and 10 wins in the last  two seasons is just not cutting it.

The Verdict: Change we can not yet believe in

I said biggie size dammit!

Kentucky Basketball- Billy Gillipsie

Billy Gillipsie, the guy responsible for turning two programs a year removed from dreadfulness into postseason participants (UTEP and Texas A&M), was brought to Kentucky to replace a National Champion winning coach (Tubby Smith).  His tilt at UK got off to a rocky start, getting blown out at home to Gardner-Webb in the team’s second game of the season.  His team rebounded though and finished his first season 18-13, including 12-4 in the SEC and a co-SEC Coach of the Year Award, as well as a trip to the tournament to top it off.  His sophomore season has been more successful, with the Wildcats currently 14-4, and his recruiting has made waves, even signing an 8th grader.

The Verdict: Yes, he possibly can

Michigan Football- Rich Rodriguez

Rich Rodriguez left the comfort of his native West Virginia to take over a program that was in need of fine tuning after Lloyd Carr retired.  His spread option attack, which fueled WVU to within one game of a national title game birth, proved highly unsuccessful in his first year at the helm in Ann Arbor.  Michigan went 3-9, the worst record in school history,  the first losing record in 41 years, and  scores of players left the program, including Sam McGuffie, one of the few bright spots on the team.  Rich Rod even went as far as criticizing the Maize and Blue fans after losing to Ohio State, saying that the fans needed to get a life.

The Verdict: The Audacity of Nope

Not quite what I would call a thumbs up season RichRod...

Alabama Football- Nick Saban

Nick Saban took over after Mike Shula and did not see immediate success, even going so far as losing  to Louisiana-Monroe in his first year.  His second season saw the Tide go 12-0 and rise to #1, only to lose to eventual national champs Florida in the SEC Championship game and undefeated Utah in the Sugar Bowl.  Seeing how the team was supposed to be a year away this season, the future looks bright in Tuscaloosa.

The Verdict: Change Has Come to Alabama

UCLA Basketball- Ben Howland

Three Final Fours  in five seasons, which saw his teams win at least 30 games in each of those three seasons.  His teams play defense  better than just about every team in the country.  And his recruiting is pretty darn good too.  Yeah, Ben Howland has done alright out there in LA.

The Verdict: A More Perfect UCLA

I sure am goofy looking, but I could coach blind kids to the Final Four

North Carolina Basketball- Roy Williams

At the beginning of this season, there was talk about UNC going undefeated.  Of course that will not happen since the Heels have dropped two games, but if you think this team loses more than 5 games all year you must be crazy.  Roy Williams has turned around a program that was struggling, winning a national title and taking last year’s team to the Final Four only to lose to his former school (Kansas) in the semis.  Don’t be surprised if this team makes it back to the Final Four….and looking at next year’s recruiting class, UNC may make the Final Four an annual ritual.

The Verdict: Change UNC can believe in

Florida Football- Urban Meyer

When the Gators gave the Zooker the boot, they turned to a young guy who had just lead Utah to an undefeated season.  Good choice.  In 4 seasons the results are uncanny.  A record of 45-9, including 26-8 in the SEC.  Two national championships.  Tebow won a Heisman and saved poor kids (and saved the souls of prisoners and cured cancer and taught the Dali Lama peace).  And the team will be just as good next year.  And probably the year after that.  Yeah, it’s good to be a Gator.

The Verdict: Yes He Did!

Clearly a Floridian mating call to attract Erin Andrews

Fanhouse – Tiger Woods’ Caddie Tells Stories Of Phil Mickelson’s Man Boobs

Cuzgoogle – Now Playing: Forgetting Sam Mitchell

PSAMP – Rick Tocchet Is, And Never Was, Smart

Moondog – Why I Hate Marko Jaric

Tailgating Ideas – Layla Kiffin Looks Like A Porn Star

Hugging Harold Reynolds – Q-Tip to Leitch: Yo, What The Scenario

Awful Announcing – Wilbon: “Threesomes Keep It Interesting”

FanDome – Barry Sanders Has A Son…

Busted Coverage – Cuff ‘Em: Top 20 Sports Related Arrests of 2008

Years – Pre-conception through Birth

- Find tall strong women in the mold of a Hope Solo.

- Make wife lift during pregnancy so baby is already gaining muscle.

- Have entire crowd in delivery room cheering. The earlier he gains confidence, the better.

Years – Infant through Toddler

- Alternate days tying each hand behind his back so that he becomes ambidextrous.

- Only allow him to drink milk in order to practice for his future endorsement.

- Create entire nursery made of “Heart of the Hide” leather including pigskin blankets.

- Recreate this scene so that he develops comfortability with fame that is sure to follow him.

Years – Elementary School

- Begin Bo Jackson training regimen of nightly push-ups and sit-ups.

- Commence diet of all protein, with emphasis on beef jerky

- Coach little leagues and midget football teams to develop star quality.

- Make him memorize Dougie’s Goin’ Deep articles to get the innocence out of him.

Years – Middle School

- Begin daily “Ichiro” like training schedule with a focus on the big 3 sports.

- Choose best AAU programs in basketball and baseball, but allow to still play in town for football to gain some local recognition as well as news articles.

- Don’t allow to reach peak with females just yet, has too much prove in coming years.

Years – High School

- Start training with supplements, while making sure to continue speed training. You know like Ryan Harris from Notre Dame when he was on True Life.

- Make start working labor jobs during the Summer to realize he needs to work hard to get the attention.

- Allow to start slaying girls so that he gets it out of his system before the real work starts.

- Only grant interviews to national media to increase hype.

Years – College

- Only accept draft deal if picked in first 10 picks of MLB Draft.

- Find program that will allow two to three sport participation.

- Warn him of the trials and tribulations of Travis Henry.

- Finish degree following junior year and enter MLB, NBA, and NFL drafts.

Years – Professional

- Find him a hot wife.

- Hire Scott Boras or Drew Rosenhaus.

- Pick out the house that I want and find second wife.

What You Need To Do

- Prepare yourself for The Third Coming.

NEW – Gay Robot – DELETED SCENE!!

I’d like to introduce myself to all of the disciples, I’m the MESSIAH, and i’ll be your holy ghost from here on out . . .

So I’m livin here in Cleveland while I’m going to law school, and the crap I read and see about Ohio State and the Cleveland Browns makes me absolutely sick. There was an article in the Plain-Dealer yesterday, suggesting that Tressel intentionally had his team play terribly last week to “set up” USC.  I didn’t mind Ohio State before, but now I hope they lose by 40.  To make matters worse, the article cited Terry Bowden, that’s right, Terry Bowden, as the expert on these matters.  There’s a reason that grits-eating Bayou rat has been out of coaching for the last decade, and that’s because he is dumber than Vince Young taking the WonderLIc.  I gotta go now, but i’ll be back in a little bit to address the Browns.

Peace Be with you

And also with you

]]> http://thisisgodgiven.com/2008/08/06/tennessee-is-some-snitches/feed/ 0 http://thisisgodgiven.com/2008/06/26/joey-heisman-is-finally-getting-some-recognition/ http://thisisgodgiven.com/2008/06/26/joey-heisman-is-finally-getting-some-recognition/#comments Thu, 26 Jun 2008 15:58:32 +0000 The Second Coming http://blastmagazineblogs.com/posterboy/2008/06/26/joey-heisman-is-finally-getting-some-recognition/ I saw this on Deuce of Davenport this morning and it just made me laugh as hard as I did last night watching Baby Borrowers. Chase Stuart from pro-football-reference.com has updated his list of the worst quarterbacks of all-time with Big Joey at the head of the class. He gives the former Duck a little credibility by saying, “To be clear, Joey Harrington probably isn’t the worst quarterback of all time in an absolute sense. But in terms of being so far below average, but far enough above miserable to earn more playing time, Joey Harrington hurt his team more than any other QB in NFL history.” Wow, Burn.