A Blast Magazine blog
April 9, 2009 Leave a Comment
Taking a page out of Major League, a high school baseball team in Tampa recently killed a snake and buried on their field to hopefully turn around their season. The coach of the team was present and has since been removed from his position.The greatest thing would be if PETA started showing up at this team’s games living their new slogan, I’d Rather Go Naked Than Wear Fur. 
Nov. 19, 2008 3 Comments
In looking for a picture of that hideous suit that Tyler Hansbrough was wearing last night, I came across this post by The Dagger. They made a great observation that the reigning player of the year resembles a Biloxi Pit Boss. I would have to agree with that, but I would definitely have to say that he more closely looks like an 8th grader attending his first boy-girl dance. His haircut would obviously go with that theme, I bet he pulls out the Old Navy tech vest next. I seriously think Tyler still dances the way he did at that first dance.
Nov. 15, 2008 1 Comment
Although it may be a few years away, because I am not an All-American, I have mapped out a plan in grooming and training an athlete that will make Spike from Little Giants look like his favorite show is Beauty and the Geek. Oh wait, he was on that show so it’s probably a bad example, also check this video out cause they definitely went wrong somewhere. Alright so that tangent was just getting back to the fact that my future son will be an athletic specimen. Here is how I lay out his future:
Years – Pre-conception through Birth
- Find tall strong women in the mold of a Hope Solo.
- Make wife lift during pregnancy so baby is already gaining muscle.
- Have entire crowd in delivery room cheering. The earlier he gains confidence, the better.
Years – Infant through Toddler
- Alternate days tying each hand behind his back so that he becomes ambidextrous.
- Only allow him to drink milk in order to practice for his future endorsement.
- Create entire nursery made of “Heart of the Hide” leather including pigskin blankets.
- Recreate this scene so that he develops comfortability with fame that is sure to follow him.
Years – Elementary School
- Begin Bo Jackson training regimen of nightly push-ups and sit-ups.
- Commence diet of all protein, with emphasis on beef jerky
- Coach little leagues and midget football teams to develop star quality.
- Make him memorize Dougie’s Goin’ Deep articles to get the innocence out of him.
Years – Middle School
- Begin daily “Ichiro” like training schedule with a focus on the big 3 sports.
- Choose best AAU programs in basketball and baseball, but allow to still play in town for football to gain some local recognition as well as news articles.
- Don’t allow to reach peak with females just yet, has too much prove in coming years.
Years – High School
- Start training with supplements, while making sure to continue speed training. You know like Ryan Harris from Notre Dame when he was on True Life.
- Make start working labor jobs during the Summer to realize he needs to work hard to get the attention.
- Allow to start slaying girls so that he gets it out of his system before the real work starts.
- Only grant interviews to national media to increase hype.
Years – College
- Only accept draft deal if picked in first 10 picks of MLB Draft.
- Find program that will allow two to three sport participation.
- Warn him of the trials and tribulations of Travis Henry.
- Finish degree following junior year and enter MLB, NBA, and NFL drafts.
Years – Professional
- Find him a hot wife.
- Hire Scott Boras or Drew Rosenhaus.
- Pick out the house that I want and find second wife.
What You Need To Do
- Prepare yourself for The Third Coming.
July 9, 2008 Leave a Comment
NBC’s Friday Night Lights has decided not to continue the storylines of Jason Street or Smash Williams. I figured this would have to happen since they graduated, but the Street thing is kind of surprising. Either way, it gives Lyla (Minka Kelly) more of a chance to whore it up a little bit and get rid of the god kick she is on. This show is incredible, which is probably the reason it’s still on the air after two seasons of poor ratings. Here are some of my predictions for the upcoming season:
1. Saracen loses starting spot to someone like Voodoo from the first season.
2. Said new starter has off-field issue and gets kicked off team, ends up in prison.
3. One of the big three (Lyla, Tyra and Julie) will get pregnant, stealing a storyline from Juno and everyother teen drama.
4. Hazing issue, i can’t believe that they’ve made it through two seasons without the obvious teabagging being addressed.
5. Buddy Garrett dies and Lyla becomes a bigger slut than Heather on I Love Money.
April 18, 2008 Leave a Comment
A pitcher in Japan gave up 66 runs in an 1.1 IP. That was on 250 pitches and the game was only called after the player pleaded for a forfeit. The manager for Kawamoto Technical High School was quoted as saying,
“At that pace the pitcher would have thrown around 500 pitches in four innings, there was a danger he could get injured.â€
That may be the understatement of the year.
Also, this kid’s arm may have miraculously not bee injured in the contest, but his pride is definitely on life support. Taking a momentous shelling like this has to result in some kind of therapy. His ERA was 540, that’s 540 reasons why this kid should be on suicide watch.Â
They should document the aftermath, MTV’s True Life: I am the Worst Baseball Player in the World.Â
Feb. 11, 2008 Leave a Comment
I wanted to wait until most of this story came out before writing about it and finally think that it is time. By now, hopefully you have heard of Kevin Hart, the 6’5†290 pound lineman from Nevada, who concocted his own recruiting battle over the past six months. The high school senior’s decision came down to the Cal Golden Bears and the Oregon Ducks in front of a packed gymnasium as well as family, friends and coaches. Hart ended up picking up the Cal hat and stating that Coach Tedford was a main reason for his choice, however Tedford had never spoken to or recruited the 18 year old. The backlash came swiftly as news of the choice hit recruiting websites with numerous coaches bluntly saying that they had never recruited him. Originally it was thought that someone was playing a cruel joke on the teen, which would have been hilarious, but it came out the Hart just made it all up himself, which is just sad. This kid was just another one of those high school athletes in a small town that really wasn’t that special even though everyone else thought he was. Hart ego was so taken over that he went as far as pulling off this entire hoax, which may even leave his coach without a job. Personally, this kid deserves everything that is coming to him by taking something away from those high school athletes who truly deserve the spotlight. This storyline is just aching to be written into an episode of Friday Night Lights, as long as the best show on television comes back for another season. The worst part is that Hart is standing up to the scrutiny; he hasn’t been back to school and is not talking to reporters. Once again, the “Small Town Superstar†still can’t face the music and refuses to realize what high school is all about, getting an education and learning how to grow up. So, here’s to Kevin Hart, keep feeling bad for yourself because no one cares. You were an offensive guard from a small town in Nevada that no one really cared about, make your way over to your town’s community college, leave after a couple semesters of failure and good luck working in some kind of factory for the rest of your life. The good thing is, you won’t be able to get out of the town that led you to believe you could play with the real superstars.
P.S. You know something that really sucks, this whole situation is going to get blamed on the current system of recruiting, which is excitement, promise and despair all rolled into one. Every player is like their own movie and I like watching. So, please don’t dwell on the way things work, dwell on the fact that this kid needs to grow up.
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