This is God Given Sports» Crime

Talk About A Party Foul

The Second Coming — Tue, 10 Feb 2009 21:39:22 +0000

It’s pretty hard to believe that the police took it to this level, and the kid who tried to sell that thing on Ebay made a genius move.

Possible New Sayings For Clyde Drexler

The Second Coming — Thu, 05 Feb 2009 03:40:31 +0000

Clyde Drexler recently rattled off the line, “it’s like clubbing baby seals,” in describing Andres Nocioni trying to guard Yao Ming. Here areÂ few one-liners that could have been worse, if used in the same situation.

1. Andres Nocioni is to white blood cells as Yao Ming is to AIDS.

2. Nocioni’s getting beat down worse than Brett Myers’ wife.

3. Yao Ming’s dropping loads all over Andres Nocioni.

Roger Goodell Must Think Pacman Is The Sexiest Man Alive

The Second Coming — Thu, 20 Nov 2008 15:33:03 +0000

Pacman Jones was re-instated by Roger Goodell and I found that there could only be one reason that this could have occurred. First off, Goodell should not of suspended him for this last mishap due to his team-issued body guard starting the fracas. Secondly, if he did need to suspend him, then he should not be re-instated so easily, I just think he pulling a little flip flop after all of that election talk over recent weeks.

Let me set the scene for you, Mr. Commissioner sits down on his couch and picks up the most recent issue of People magazine, which depicts Hugh Jackman as their latest “Sexiest Man Alive.” Goodell began to ponder who he thought was the sexiest man alive and since George Clooney took the spot a couple of years ago, he decided to go with Pacman and for this reason, let him back into the league. In lieu of this occasion I, the Second Coming, have created a cover issue for the coffeetable in the league office and more importantly, for Roger Goodell bathroom.

Guy Catches Fire At Carnoustie

The Second Coming — Thu, 11 Sep 2008 19:29:54 +0000

Okay, it didn’t happen on the championship course and he didn’t even play at all, a guy was actually on fire, and not like Denzel, at the 11th tee on the Buddon Course at Carnoustie. The greenskeeper who spotted the burning body had this to say to the Scottish Sun, “I got a fright. I donâ€™t really want to talk about it. Itâ€™s not something you see every day.” Thanks for letting me know, I’ll be a lot calmer during my next 18 knowing that “it’s not everyday that you see a guy acting out that Jonas Brothers song.” Wow, a Jonas Brothers reference, ouch. So with that greenskeeper news comes some Bill Murray, so you got that going for you.

62 Year Old Dies In Mandelbaum Scene

The Second Coming — Sun, 10 Aug 2008 16:51:00 +0000

An 83 year old man is charged with killing his 62 year old stepson following a dispute involving the Steelers preseason game. The altercation arose after the stepson, Roy C. Wright, dropped his daughters off and left the game instead of staying with them. When he returned home he was confronted and shot. It’s just tough to believe a guy would pass up a ticket to Heinz field with $4.50 beers. He deserved to be shot.

NFL 2008: The Rookie “Most-Likely’s”

The Second Coming — Tue, 15 Jul 2008 14:07:39 +0000

WithÂ less than two weeks until training camp, I thought I would throw out some predictions. Â

Most Likely to Over-Acheive – John David Booty -Â he went in the 5th round, but he has to be happy to go to a team where the QBÂ job could be his by the end of next season. He’s accurate and his less than ideal arm-strength won’t hurt him too much in the west-coast offense.Â However, I do feel that Viking fans, as part of the NFC North, will have something to say about this whole three name thing. The name John David Booty sounds like an actor on someÂ CW drama.

Most-Likely to become Ricky Williams – Aqib TalibÂ - Three positive marijuana tests in college do not bode well for this first round pick. He’s going to make a lot of picks in the cover 2 if he can lay off the bong. I guess he just needs toÂ find his anti-drug.

Most-Likely to be a Bust – Vernon Gholston- there is a reason that you didn’t see him winning many awards while he was at Ohio St. He is inconsistent and I don’t see him being a leader, which I feel is a characteristic a number 6 pick should possess. Will likely soon be known as the “ghost” for his disappearing acts.Â

Most-Ready to be a Cincinnati Bengal – Jason Shirley – he’s a defensive tackle from Fresno St. He also only played 3 games his senior year after being suspended twice before being dismissed from the team entirely. Roger Goodell already has him on the Most-Wanted list.

Most-Likely to be hated by his coach – Leodis McKelvin- he is going to be a corner playing in the cover 2, who does not like to come up and make tackles. He’ll be playing for Dick Jauron, who was a defensive back himself in ’70s, which makes him not a pussy. Look for numerous remarks involving the term pansy.

Most-Likely to pull a Michael Vick – Darren McFadden – Vick’s friends were his demise, and now McFadden comes in with brother’s in rival gangs. I can see his brothers right now running a chop shop out of some warehouse that McFadden owns. My bet is that it will be called Big Rock’s Shop.

Pro Slamball Player Slams Wife

The Second Coming — Thu, 10 Jul 2008 14:28:54 +0000

Julie Donaldson of Channel 7 in Boston testified yesterday inÂ her assault case against her boyfriend. This story wouldn’t be very relevant to me until the article states that her boyfriend, Ivan Lattimore, is a professional Slamball player. I’m just glad that this made news because otherwise, I wouldn’t have found out that Slamball will be coming back to tv this August. When it comes back, Lattimore may be in prison , but Stan “Shakes” Fletcher will be doing work on someone’s face.

Criminal Geniuses Steal $1.1M During Euro Cup Final

The Second Coming — Tue, 01 Jul 2008 17:24:07 +0000

A Sarajevo post office was robbed of $1.1M on Sunday after security guards were taken by surprise as they watched the Euro Cup final between Spain and Germany. Like a scene out of Heat, men stormed the building and made off with the, while also beating the stunned security guards in the process. So, first they surprise them, while they aren’t doing their job, then they beat them. They got kicked, while they were down worse than Britney Spears in a child custody courtroom. I also want to know how a post office had $1.1M, did they have really rare stamps?

Sunday Dumb Day 6/22

The Second Coming — Mon, 23 Jun 2008 03:42:37 +0000

As you revel in a day of laying on the couch and probably some jacking off to Leslie Stahl on 60 Minutes, here is this week’s wrap-up.

Busted Coverage – College World Series All-Porn Name Team

The Big Lead – Look Out, Natalie Gulbis, Here Comes Perry Swenson

FB Kid – RIP “Pacman” Jones

The World of Isaac – 10 Things The PGA Tour Can Do To Increase Attendance