Here are a couple interviews, one each for the King of Pop and the Steeler safety respectively. The first is of Jacko doing what he does best, being creepy and off-putting. The second is of Polamalu on the 700 Club, where he probably had a leg-press competition with Pat Robertson. Watch these two videos and you will notice that their voices are eerily similar. Hopefully Troy doesn’t start sleeping with other people’s kids in his bed. That might be a tough one to talk about in the lockerroom, which is oddly enough one place that MJ would pay to be.

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1. Darlene from Roseanne (Sara Gilbert) / Kyle Orton – They can call them “the Muff and the Scruff.” They were made for each other as she grew up in the fictional Lanford, Illinois and you cannot forget old Dan Connor constantly wearing those Bears sweatshirts. Darlene was always into that short little guy who’s on Big Bang Theory now, so it is definitely time for her to meet a real man, especially an alpha male such as Kyle Orton and his neckbeard.  Orton would definitely be into the white trash type as he has previously shown with his alcoholic beverage choices. Anyway, these two would obviously be in the running to be featured on the next season of My Big Red Neck Wedding.

2. Ellen Degeneres / Steve Nash – Being probably the most lesbian out of this entire group, I would imagine Ellen to be matched up with one of the most feminine looking athletes on the face of the Earth. She would definitely go for the “euro” haircuts and might even be able to give him a few pointers on his Vitamin Water ads. They both also seem to be at the top of their respective games and would obviously become a pop culture power couple for the ages. I’m thinking this would be the perfect combo for a Will and Grace -esque sitcom.

3. Melissa Etheridge / Barry Zito – This seems to be a match made in heaven when it comes to the shared love of guitars. Also, It is very easy to see Zito hitting rock bottom after the past few miserable seasons. I imagine him becoming a modern day David Crosby, mustache and all. Crosby also just so happens to be the creator of the sperm that artificially inseminated Etheridge’s girlfriend on a number of occasions. Let me set the scene for you, Zito staying in San Fran, refusing to sign with another team so that he can play his guitar in coffee shops across the city. Zito’s featured song, a cover of Etheridge’s biggest hit, which he cleverly titles “I Cum In Her Window.”

In all the Superbowl hype, I could not get over the resemblance between Rev Run and the soon to be marketing marvel, Larry Fitzgerald. So, even though Run’s House has come to a close, we can still hope for some cameos on Daddy’s Girls.

PSAMP – LaMarr Woodley Is A Douchebag?

Cuzgoogle – Forget Mickey Rourke, Joey Graham Is “The Wrestler”

Sports Rubbish – I Love The BCS Song

Sports by Brooks – Yes, Erin Andrews Has A Sister Named Kendra & Dan Patrick Got To Hang With Both At BCS

Sons of Steve Garvey – Mets’ Pizza Patch The Laughingstock Of Baseball Uniform World

NESW – Kobe Bryant Sells Ankle Insurance

Busted Coverage – Say Hello To Your New 2009 USC Song Girls

Coed – The 2009 SI Swimsuit Issue Cover Model Short List Is Revealed!

Hugging Harold Reynolds – Cooley’s Back Side

The World of Isaac – The 10 Best Sports Movie Coaches

This is a little over a week old, but it needed posted due to this pubescent teen calling Jessica Simpson a whore. He did this with all the confidence of DJ Qualls in Road Trip and parodying a Fray song with an out of tune guitar. That’s three strikes against him and he still managed to prevail in being somewhat entertaining just like his probabal idol, Vince Papali. So, I give you props son because the sports world needs more of one thing and that is song parodies.

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Fanhouse – Tiger Woods’ Caddie Tells Stories Of Phil Mickelson’s Man Boobs

Cuzgoogle – Now Playing: Forgetting Sam Mitchell

PSAMP – Rick Tocchet Is, And Never Was, Smart

Moondog – Why I Hate Marko Jaric

Tailgating Ideas – Layla Kiffin Looks Like A Porn Star

Hugging Harold Reynolds – Q-Tip to Leitch: Yo, What The Scenario

Awful Announcing – Wilbon: “Threesomes Keep It Interesting”

FanDome – Barry Sanders Has A Son…

Busted Coverage – Cuff ‘Em: Top 20 Sports Related Arrests of 2008

The other day I sat down and watched Not Another Teen Movie because it was on TV and I needed a reason to drink. While watching that piece of shit, I saw Billy Bob parodying his role from Varsity Blues and wondered what happened to him.  Really, I just wanted to see if he was still a fat fuck with an accent. I then found out that his real name is Ron Lester and he’s lost like 35 pounds and been on both Montel and Tyra, so he’s approaching the A-list. Then, I noticed that he has is own website with audition tapes, movie reels and even those day-time talk appearances. After finding this stuff, I was forced to go search for him on youtube and found some video journals that are classic. Billy Bob’s just got to take some lessons from Puff and learn how make those real. Let’s compare.

vs.

Time to get after it, Billy Bob.

and i quote tomlin from his single . . .

M.T. . . I got flavor
Cuz you know the kid got paper
Street thug but I can be tailored
Every now and then i might rock gators
i’m the man and I know that
I got cash i’m talkin throw back
100 grand what’s that
I hit the club and I blow that
all these hoes know that
Im picture perfect made for Kodak