This is God Given Sports» Red Sox

Carl Crawford moved to second in Sox lineup

Blast Magazine Newsroom — Tue, 05 Apr 2011 22:13:03 +0000

Slugger Carl Crawford (LF) was moved to second in the batting order for Tuesday’s match-up against the Cleveland Indians. The team has been off to a sluggish start, and the move may give the Sox the shakeup the need to get things going.

Here’s tonight’s lineup:

RED SOX (0-3)
Ellsbury CF
Crawford LF
Pedroia 2B
Gonzalez 1B
Youkilis 3B
Ortiz DH
Drew RF
Saltalamacchia C
Scutaro SS

Pitching: RHP Josh Beckett (6-6, 5.78 last season)

INDIANS (1-2)
Brantley CF
A. Cabrera SS
Choo RF
Santana C
Hafner DH
O. Cabrera 2B
Kearns LF
LaPorta 1B
Hannahan 3B

Pitching: RHP Josh Tomlin (6-4, 4.56)

Manny On The Hills

The Second Coming — Tue, 18 Nov 2008 16:29:34 +0000

This is the only way that the Hills can get better. Every week I tune in and I don’t care who knows of this guilty pleasure. Every week, I scorn Spencer for being a douche and search online for naked pictures of LC. After last night’s episode however, I feel that the show needs a spark and that could done with Manny making an appearance and hopefully stealing Audrina from Justin Bobby. Let’s make this happen, Do It Up.

Was That Wade Phillips Going After Egon?

The Second Coming — Wed, 01 Oct 2008 15:10:01 +0000

I heard from The Messiah the other day that Cowherd was calling Wade Phillips the marshmallow man, so I went with it, because there is never enough Ghostbusters talk. Also, I recently heard some rumors about a third movie being made.

On another note, David Ortiz could be Slimer.

Uncle Junior Sings The Best National Anthem

The Second Coming — Mon, 29 Sep 2008 17:14:43 +0000

I went to game 1 of the Yankees-Sox yesterday afternoon and not only was a treated to seeing Johnny Pesky number hung in right field, but I also got to see Dominic Chianese, Uncle Junior from the Sopranos, sing one of the best versions of the national anthem I have ever heard. This comes days after Chianese made a play to sing at the final game in Yankee Stadium. They denined his request, but Fenway brass was more than happy to bring in the Bronx native. I couldn’t find the video from yesterday, so let me know if you see it anywhere. So what made his version so good? He sang with more enthusiasm than a 13 year old watching a sybian ride for the first time on Howard TV. Anyway, here is a video from the NY Post about his situation with the pinstripes.

Mike Timlin, Every Animal's Worst Nightmare

The Second Coming — Tue, 19 Aug 2008 16:00:22 +0000

Here is Mike Timlin showing off a little for NESN hottie, Heidi Watney. This truly shows that he doesn’t wear that camo glove for style, he could strip off his jersey at any moment and pull out that bow to take out any squirrels that make their way onto the field. I think he would have made a better protagonist than Tommy Lee Jones in that movie The Hunted. Finally, there is nothing that truly sets off a photo of a reliever shooting a bow in the middle of a baseball diamond than a Ric Flair t-shirt. Soon to hit theaters, Joe Dirt 2: The Boston Red Sox Bullpen.

I cannot use the photo anymore due to copyright issues, please check it out by clicking on this link

Kelly Clarkson Makes Me Like Her Even More

The Second Coming — Thu, 14 Aug 2008 17:58:02 +0000

Here is a video c/o the Red Sox Monster in which my favorite, Kelly Clarkson, appears to be having a good time at Fenway Park. So, watch the video and think about how you missed out on taking a home a drunk American Idol winner because from the looks of it she was definitely on her way the Game On or Cask ‘n Flagon to get rowdy. She really just needs to lose those other two, because they were in prime position to be cock blocks if they went out afterward.

Sunday Dumb Day 7/13

The Second Coming — Sun, 13 Jul 2008 11:00:43 +0000

As you revel in a day of laying on the couch and probably some jacking off to Hillary Swank in Million Dollar Baby, here is this week’s wrap-up.

Deadspin – Meet The Stripper Who Saved The Red Sox

Joe Sports FanÂ - Fan of the Week: I Think I Threw Up In My Mouth…

Busted Coverage – Phil Hellmuth Raises Bar For Greatest Sports Entrance – Ever

Tirico Suave – I Now Hate Brett Gardner Less Than I Hate Other Yankees (Kevin Youkilis Had A Bit Part In Milk Money?)

The Sports Hernia – Tampa Bay Inexplicably Redesigns Logo AgainÂ

Associated Press – Strange discontinued Olympic sports

NY Post – Finger-Dipping Play-By-Play

Lion In Oil – There’s Great Genes In This QB Battle

Uncoached – These MLB Pitchers Remind me of Streetfighter II Characters

Listen Here Sweet Tooth: The Top 5 Sports Commercials Ever

The Second Coming — Tue, 08 Jul 2008 15:02:09 +0000

5. United Way Sam Adams- Don’t not panic and make sure to keep an eye on Sam being saved in the pool, he looks more like a dead fish than Squintz in Sandlot.

4. Any The Rick Commercial – Okay, so this is only an outtakes segment, but it is the culmination of all that made the Rick my hero.

3. I Am Tiger Woods – Disguises at their best.

2. Tracy Morgan NFL 2k Football - The same guy that wants some discharge on his big mac, drops more one-liners than David Spade.

1. Any Michael Jordan Commercial- Watching a Michael Jordan Gatorade Commercial makes you feel like you need go try to find buy Gatorade in a glass bottle. Watching a Michael Jordan Nike Commercial makes you feel like you want to go fight with William Wallace in the big battle in Braveheart.

Leave It To Peru To Take Sporting Promotions To A Higher Level

The Second Coming — Fri, 20 Jun 2008 17:13:39 +0000

I found this on Deadspin and it quite possibly be the best example of pre-game hype I have ever come across, This is Nolberto Solano of Peru and he is pointing his weapon at the jersey of Urugauy. The campaign was not successful in that Peru lost by a score of 6-0. I’m just waiting for these over the top gimmicks to cross over into America. Forget the gun, I got some better ideas:

1. Show Johnathan Papelbon drawing dicks on a picture of Mariano Rivera’s face.

2. Show Dmitri Young taking a dump on an opposing team’s field

3. Have Gilbert Arenas wiping his ass with his latest contract offer.

The Perfect Trade

The Second Coming — Wed, 11 Jun 2008 13:25:44 +0000

I saw this on Deadspin this morning, who got it courtesy of Roto-World, and I thought about not writing anything because I’m still pretty hungover at work. However, this story was just too good. The scene was Fenway Park and the occasion was a 40th birthday of someone known just as the “Hammer.” It involves a slew of pornographic photos that made their way into the Red Sox bullpen. We’ll let the original writer tell the tale:

Last season at Fenway, a funny thing happened in Section 41. About 10 guys were there to celebrate some guy’s 40th birthday party (his name was “Hammer”) as well as another person’s 15th wedding anniversary. Most of them were out of towners that were not even real die-hard Red Sox fans, but the point is that they came in smashed and continued to drink like fish while there. By the second inning, we start to find out one reason why the “Hammer” is called the “Hammer”. He pulls out of his shirt pocket some pictures of his recent trip to some Caribbean Island. The first few pictures look innocent enough with him and some hot chick who apparently was his ex-wife. The 4th picture shocks you: his ex-wife is COMPLETELY naked…and it goes on from there…we’re talking about a complete pornographic sequence here. And they were passing these pictures around to each other and also to nearby fans having a jolly good time discussing the hammering ability of the “Hammer” among many other things.

One of them gets the idea that the “moneyshot” picture should be shown to the players in the Red Sox bullpen. So he folds the picture and flicks it over the railing so that it lands in the steps of the bullpen. And that is when the party really started.Papelbon comes out of the dugout during the game holding the picture in his hand with a bemused face looking for the guy who threw the picture. The whole section starts buzzing with excitement and Papelbon and the “Hammer’s” friend who threw the picture start talking to each other. I cannot hear what was said, but during the next half-inning break, Papelbon emerges. The section goes nuts again and this time Papelbon signals to the “Hammer” to get ready to catch a pitch, and he throws a baseball to the “Hammer”. It was signed by the entire Red Sox bullpen, and they wrote “Thanks for the bullpen pics”.

Naturally, everyone started going crazy at this point, and the Hammer’s friend tried to get more signed baseballs. Throughout the rest of the game, Papelbon, Timlin and one other reliever were talking and joking around with the Hammer’s friends and a deal was worked out whereby the “Hammer” would sign one of the pictures (he signed it “Thanks for the autographed baseball, The Hammer”) and allow the Red Sox to keep the picture in their bullpen in exchage for more signed baseballs. Meanwhile, everyone in the stadium can see the craziness going in with the Red Sox bullpen. Even the security guard was shown the pictures and her reaction was quite priceless. All in all, it was quite the day and quite the scene.

Now, where do you go from here? The only logically next step is to start passing along some home made sex tapes. Oh and in this photo, Pap looks like he just shit on the coats.