This is God Given Sports» Suns http://thisisgodgiven.com A Blast Magazine blog Wed, 02 Nov 2011 14:12:47 +0000 en hourly 1 Shaq Attack 2012, As Predicted By The Mayan Calendar http://thisisgodgiven.com/2009/03/30/shaq-attack-2012-as-predicted-by-the-mayan-calendar/ http://thisisgodgiven.com/2009/03/30/shaq-attack-2012-as-predicted-by-the-mayan-calendar/#comments Mon, 30 Mar 2009 16:48:08 +0000 The Second Coming http://thisisgodgiven.com/?p=854 My personal friends over at FATAWESOME have ventured into the sports world with their videos. Start protecting your manhood, because they will soon castrate the entire sports community.

]]> http://thisisgodgiven.com/2009/03/30/shaq-attack-2012-as-predicted-by-the-mayan-calendar/feed/ 1 Lesbians And Athletes, Matches Made In Heaven http://thisisgodgiven.com/2009/01/29/lesbians-and-athletes-matches-made-in-heaven/ http://thisisgodgiven.com/2009/01/29/lesbians-and-athletes-matches-made-in-heaven/#comments Thu, 29 Jan 2009 13:26:01 +0000 The Second Coming http://thisisgodgiven.com/?p=727 In one of my better moments I was watching Kurt Warner highlights thinking about how he met his wife while he was bagging groceries and decided to take in the divorcee and her two children. It’s is probably the most solid move I have ever heard, while simultaneously being the dumbest decision of all time. After pondering this great story, I then moved my thought process to – How can I make fun of Kurt Warner’s wife, Brenda. Other than her having a trailer park/pregnant high schooler first name, you can’t look past her haircut. So after noticing her resemblance to lesbian I developed this question. If eharmony were to match up famous lesbians and athletes, who would wind up with who?

kurt-warner

1. Darlene from Roseanne (Sara Gilbert) / Kyle Orton – They can call them “the Muff and the Scruff.” They were made for each other as she grew up in the fictional Lanford, Illinois and you cannot forget old Dan Connor constantly wearing those Bears sweatshirts. Darlene was always into that short little guy who’s on Big Bang Theory now, so it is definitely time for her to meet a real man, especially an alpha male such as Kyle Orton and his neckbeard.  Orton would definitely be into the white trash type as he has previously shown with his alcoholic beverage choices. Anyway, these two would obviously be in the running to be featured on the next season of My Big Red Neck Wedding.ortongilbert

2. Ellen Degeneres / Steve Nash – Being probably the most lesbian out of this entire group, I would imagine Ellen to be matched up with one of the most feminine looking athletes on the face of the Earth. She would definitely go for the “euro” haircuts and might even be able to give him a few pointers on his Vitamin Water ads. They both also seem to be at the top of their respective games and would obviously become a pop culture power couple for the ages. I’m thinking this would be the perfect combo for a Will and Grace -esque sitcom.

ellennash

3. Melissa Etheridge / Barry Zito – This seems to be a match made in heaven when it comes to the shared love of guitars. Also, It is very easy to see Zito hitting rock bottom after the past few miserable seasons. I imagine him becoming a modern day David Crosby, mustache and all. Crosby also just so happens to be the creator of the sperm that artificially inseminated Etheridge’s girlfriend on a number of occasions. Let me set the scene for you, Zito staying in San Fran, refusing to sign with another team so that he can play his guitar in coffee shops across the city. Zito’s featured song, a cover of Etheridge’s biggest hit, which he cleverly titles “I Cum In Her Window.”

etheridgezito

]]> http://thisisgodgiven.com/2009/01/29/lesbians-and-athletes-matches-made-in-heaven/feed/ 2 Steve Nash Is Faster Than Sharks http://thisisgodgiven.com/2008/11/17/steve-nash-is-faster-than-sharks/ http://thisisgodgiven.com/2008/11/17/steve-nash-is-faster-than-sharks/#comments Mon, 17 Nov 2008 19:03:51 +0000 The Second Coming http://thisisgodgiven.com/?p=462 Steve Nash is once again underrated in something else, his comedic abilities. There are a series of these videos bbut this one is the best entirely because of the swimming with sharks line. Although maybe Steve is just jumping on this funny canadians thing that Seth Rogen started.

]]> http://thisisgodgiven.com/2008/11/17/steve-nash-is-faster-than-sharks/feed/ 1 Shaunie-Less Shaq And My New Favorite Site http://thisisgodgiven.com/2008/04/01/shaunie-less-shaq-and-my-new-favorite-site/ http://thisisgodgiven.com/2008/04/01/shaunie-less-shaq-and-my-new-favorite-site/#comments Tue, 01 Apr 2008 14:43:38 +0000 The Second Coming http://blastmagazineblogs.com/posterboy/2008/04/01/shaunie-less-shaq-and-my-new-favorite-site/ 1206886315shaqgf.jpgDeadspin came across a recent photo of the soon to be divorced Shaquille O’Neal, with a new woman who bore a striking resemblence to his ex, Shaunie. The photo in question was posted on MediaTakeOut.com, which is an experience in itself even though it looks like a glorified myspace page, but the comments truly made this photo worthwhile.

Here is one comment that Deadspin spotted:

“she’s iiiiight lookn. shaq could do better. and she mos def needs some vitimin e oil for those lips. ancient secret for my other bud smokers. vitimin e oil with keep yo lips nice, pink and soft.”

On a side note, I really would expect better from the Big Aristotle and star of Kazaam.

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