Most Likely to Over-Acheive – John David Booty - he went in the 5th round, but he has to be happy to go to a team where the QB job could be his by the end of next season. He’s accurate and his less than ideal arm-strength won’t hurt him too much in the west-coast offense. However, I do feel that Viking fans, as part of the NFC North, will have something to say about this whole three name thing. The name John David Booty sounds like an actor on some CW drama.

Most-Likely to become Ricky Williams – Aqib Talib - Three positive marijuana tests in college do not bode well for this first round pick. He’s going to make a lot of picks in the cover 2 if he can lay off the bong. I guess he just needs to find his anti-drug.

Most-Likely to be a Bust – Vernon Gholston- there is a reason that you didn’t see him winning many awards while he was at Ohio St. He is inconsistent and I don’t see him being a leader, which I feel is a characteristic a number 6 pick should possess. Will likely soon be known as the “ghost” for his disappearing acts. 

Most-Ready to be a Cincinnati Bengal – Jason Shirley – he’s a defensive tackle from Fresno St. He also only played 3 games his senior year after being suspended twice before being dismissed from the team entirely. Roger Goodell already has him on the Most-Wanted list.

Most-Likely to be hated by his coach – Leodis McKelvin- he is going to be a corner playing in the cover 2, who does not like to come up and make tackles. He’ll be playing for Dick Jauron, who was a defensive back himself in ’70s, which makes him not a pussy. Look for numerous remarks involving the term pansy.

Most-Likely to pull a Michael Vick – Darren McFadden – Vick’s friends were his demise, and now McFadden comes in with brother’s in rival gangs. I can see his brothers right now running a chop shop out of some warehouse that McFadden owns. My bet is that it will be called Big Rock’s Shop.

1. Cleveland – The Indians were a joke before the Carlos Baerga era, and the constant highlight of MJ’s jumpshot over Craig Ehlo does not help. Not to mention a football team that left and was re-created, while continuing to make fans feel like Tim Couch(pussy who cries) on a daily basis.

2. Philadelphia – When a city is ready to boo Santa Claus, then you know there are some mental issues. Probably the most annoying of all fans, with their constant Eagles chants, while also being the most likely to go home and put on lipstick like Steve Buscemi in Billy Madison and contemplate their “People to Kill” list, #1 – Joe Carter.

3. Boston – Sure this city has been on fire since 2001, but it really does not make any difference for the fans. They’ll still be the first one’s to bitch about officiating or make themselves feel like the victim. It’s kind of like a city full of ex-girlfriends, or more accurately, a city full of Livia Sopranos.

4. Buffalo – Four Superbowl losses on Madden would make me want to kill myself, let alone in real-life. Also, arguably their biggest star was Orenthal James himself. Maybe O.J. could help out Buffalonians, if you know what I mean, when the Bills leave for an actual city(Toronto) in the near future.

5. Twin Cities (Minneapolis, St. Paul) – First of all, there is an identity crisis, which can’t help, kind of like having gay parents, you’re already at a disadvantage. The persona of over-acheiving before under-acheiving has definitely taken its toll, and Gary Anderson‘s Norwood in 1998 doesn’t help. To tell you the truth, they probably would have been higher on the list if it wasn’t for Gordon Bombay and the Mighty Ducks.