Greatest Game of All Time

First Quarter

The game starts as a big snooze fest with neither team able to get anything started.  Pittsburgh QB Bubby Brister shows why he was never able to be as great as his name was, as he constantly avoids throwing to open receivers and elects to throw into double coverage.  The Cardinals meanwhile get nothing started on offense and the first ends scoreless.

Second Quarter

Phoenix has the first chance to score in the game, but Al Del Greco puts his field goal attempt off the upright.  The ‘lers take over and methodically march down the field, and Warren Williams piles in for the first TD of the game, making it 7-0 Pittsburgh.  The Cardinals next drive fails quickly, as Tim Rosenbach throws an INT to Dwayne Woodruff with a little under a minute to go in the half.  Brister misses two passes, and the Steelers elect to kick a FG with 34 seconds left on thrid down from the 17, even though they have 2 time outs left.  Gary Anderson’s FG attempt goes off the upright giving the Cardinals back the ball.  With 8 seconds left in the half, Phoenix fumbles and David Little recovers and plows into the end zone to make it 14-0 at the half Steelers.

Third Quarter

The Cardinals begin the second half with the ball, but Tim Rosenbach quickly changes that as he throws his second INT of the day, this one to future Hall of Famer Rod Woodson.  Brister quickly capitilazes on the error and hits Lous Lipps for the wide-open 54 yard TD pass, making it 21-0 Steelers.  The Cardinals take the ensuing kickoff past the 50, but Del Greco misses his second field goal as the third ends, 21-0.

Fourth Quarter

The Steelers take over after the Cardinals missed field goal and go three and out.  However, the Cardinals fumble the punt and Terry Long recovers the fumble and carries it in to make it 27-0.  The PAT is good and the Steelers are only 4 minutes away from their Six Pack.  Rosenbach takes the Cards back on to the field but throws another pick to Woodruff.  Pittsburgh  fails to capitalize as Anderson misses his second FG of the day.  Yet, Rosenbach throws his 4th pick of the day with a little over a minute left.  The Steelers run out the clock on the ground with Merrill Hoge  and eventually settle for an Anderson field goal to finalize the score at 31-0 Steelers, giving Pittsburgh one for the other hand.

Sign of things to come...

Super Bowl MVP: Pittsburgh Defense.  If they can’t give it to the whole defense they might as well give it to Tim Rosenbach, since he did the most to ensure the Steeler victory.

1. Darlene from Roseanne (Sara Gilbert) / Kyle Orton – They can call them “the Muff and the Scruff.” They were made for each other as she grew up in the fictional Lanford, Illinois and you cannot forget old Dan Connor constantly wearing those Bears sweatshirts. Darlene was always into that short little guy who’s on Big Bang Theory now, so it is definitely time for her to meet a real man, especially an alpha male such as Kyle Orton and his neckbeard.  Orton would definitely be into the white trash type as he has previously shown with his alcoholic beverage choices. Anyway, these two would obviously be in the running to be featured on the next season of My Big Red Neck Wedding.

2. Ellen Degeneres / Steve Nash – Being probably the most lesbian out of this entire group, I would imagine Ellen to be matched up with one of the most feminine looking athletes on the face of the Earth. She would definitely go for the “euro” haircuts and might even be able to give him a few pointers on his Vitamin Water ads. They both also seem to be at the top of their respective games and would obviously become a pop culture power couple for the ages. I’m thinking this would be the perfect combo for a Will and Grace -esque sitcom.

3. Melissa Etheridge / Barry Zito – This seems to be a match made in heaven when it comes to the shared love of guitars. Also, It is very easy to see Zito hitting rock bottom after the past few miserable seasons. I imagine him becoming a modern day David Crosby, mustache and all. Crosby also just so happens to be the creator of the sperm that artificially inseminated Etheridge’s girlfriend on a number of occasions. Let me set the scene for you, Zito staying in San Fran, refusing to sign with another team so that he can play his guitar in coffee shops across the city. Zito’s featured song, a cover of Etheridge’s biggest hit, which he cleverly titles “I Cum In Her Window.”

In all the Superbowl hype, I could not get over the resemblance between Rev Run and the soon to be marketing marvel, Larry Fitzgerald. So, even though Run’s House has come to a close, we can still hope for some cameos on Daddy’s Girls.