This is God Given Sports» Cowboys

The Marty B Apology

The Second Coming — Fri, 30 Jan 2009 00:22:53 +0000

Martellus Bennett got fined for a freestyle to “Get Money,” but now he has released his apology hoping to capitalize on the recent news. The apology isn’t bad and I agree with him that players need to be more accessible, like Chris Cooley showing his dick. I think the gay bashing may have did you in Marty, leave that to the upcoming Eminem cd.

Yes We Can, Buy This Shirt

The Second Coming — Mon, 19 Jan 2009 23:28:18 +0000

I am a t-shirt connoisseur who has been collecting more “Sucks and Swallows” t-shirts than I know what do do with (starting with the timeless phrase Dallas Sucks, Jerry Jones Swallows). However, I am definitely more likely to wear a clever t-shirt such as the one that states “Jeter Drinks Wine coolers.” Here a couple over the top ones involving Mike Tomlin that will definitely stand the test of time, unlike this one which won’t make sense in 8 years.

Roger Goodell Must Think Pacman Is The Sexiest Man Alive

The Second Coming — Thu, 20 Nov 2008 15:33:03 +0000

Pacman Jones was re-instated by Roger Goodell and I found that there could only be one reason that this could have occurred. First off, Goodell should not of suspended him for this last mishap due to his team-issued body guard starting the fracas. Secondly, if he did need to suspend him, then he should not be re-instated so easily, I just think he pulling a little flip flop after all of that election talk over recent weeks.

Let me set the scene for you, Mr. Commissioner sits down on his couch and picks up the most recent issue of People magazine, which depicts Hugh Jackman as their latest “Sexiest Man Alive.” Goodell began to ponder who he thought was the sexiest man alive and since George Clooney took the spot a couple of years ago, he decided to go with Pacman and for this reason, let him back into the league. In lieu of this occasion I, the Second Coming, have created a cover issue for the coffeetable in the league office and more importantly, for Roger Goodell bathroom.

Was That Wade Phillips Going After Egon?

The Second Coming — Wed, 01 Oct 2008 15:10:01 +0000

I heard from The Messiah the other day that Cowherd was calling Wade Phillips the marshmallow man, so I went with it, because there is never enough Ghostbusters talk. Also, I recently heard some rumors about a third movie being made.

On another note, David Ortiz could be Slimer.

T.O. And The Playmaker Molding The Minds And Bodies Of Young People

The Second Coming — Wed, 18 Jun 2008 14:54:51 +0000

T.O. has been having his youth football camp down in Texas the last couple years, but this year it will be a star-studded affair. First, it was recently announced that former “fastest man alive,” Maurice Green will be providing someÂ insight on speed. This seems like a good find for Owens, Green has been coaching on the weekends since retiring and should be very helpful at the camp. Then we get to the other star that will be present at the camp, Michael Irvin. I believe his role will be like Lawrence Taylor in the Waterboy. He will be providing advice on how to stay out of trouble or more likely, advice on how to not get caught with cocaine and prostitutes. With this kind of help and a guy who may have tried to commit suicide, these kids have nowhere to go but the top of the sporting world. I will keep them in my prayers.

Darren McFadden Should Be on Maury

The Second Coming — Fri, 25 Apr 2008 19:16:23 +0000

Over the past few months, thousands of NFL prospects have been evaluated not only on their abilities, but also on their families situations and their character issues. One player in particular has been in the spotlight more than others, his name is Darren McFadden, and probably unlike many players, his off-field concerns might be garnering aÂ larger spotlight than his talents. Hopefully, you saw the little interview special McFadden had with ESPN’s Michael Smith. Many personal topics were up for discussion, here’s aÂ little rundown:

1. He has been in two bar brawls in the since 2006 – One involving a brother’s argument with a bouncer, the other involving someone that tried to steal another brother’s car

2. He has brother’s that were in rival gangs – none other than the Bloods and the Crips

3. He has two illegitimate children, for which he has claimed responsibility for without ever having a blood test

On top of all of this, his mother has come out and said that she did not want him to be drafted by the Jets or Raiders for fear of the cities being too big. She also proclaimed that she would love to see Darren end up in Dallas. So, Darren McFadden’s mother wants him to end up in Dallas with none other than Pac Man Jones as a possible teammate, coupled with the inevitable scene from Gangland with his two brothers, while possibly also preparing for the next installment of paternity tests on Maury.(I hopeÂ he uses a future end-zone celebration if “he is not the father”)Â Oh, and she added that they plan to move the whole family in with Darren, that is 11 siblings, a number high enough for my stylebook to tell me I have to write the actual digits and not the words.

T.O. On Bang Bros., Gethca Tissues Ready

The Second Coming — Tue, 22 Apr 2008 16:29:05 +0000

Today, a photo began circulation from a Bang Bros. video.(the guys who get girls off the street, bang them in a van and then trick them into getting out of the van before driving away) There has been some speculation as to whether the photo is real, but I want to let you be the judge. It quite possibly be a photoshop job, but I would never put something like this past T.O. I’m going to go with Digg.com on this one and take it as fact. I guess this appearance finally shows us that Owens is into novelty porn. Maybe, he’s getting some tips before starting the same trend on the Cowboys team bus. Something tells me that Jessica wouldn’t be down, or maybe she would?

Big Ben Taking On Romo The Homo

The Second Coming — Fri, 18 Apr 2008 13:30:16 +0000

The other day on the Dan Patrick replacement show on ESPN Radio, Ben Roethlisbeger took a few jabs at his counterpart in Dallas and the soon to be Aunt, Jessica Simpson. Here is how the discussion went with none other than Mike Tirico and Michele Tafoya, ouch, not about the comments about how terrible that radio team sounds. Surprisingly, Michele Tafoya was not sexually assaulted in studio. Please read that link, it is incredible.

“I got to play at Dallas, I think it was my rookie year,” Roethlisberger said. “I’m glad they’re coming up here to play us. I’m thinking about sending an all-expenses paid trip for Tony (Romo) to go to Mexico.”

Tafoya shot back, “I thought you were going to bring Jessica to you.” And Roethlisberger played along. “We could do that too,”

Big Ben said. “I might just fly her in.”

These comments will hopefully re-spark a dynasty that has been dormant since Superbowl XXX. Romo is hopefully going to come back with some pitiful comment, and I hope even more that it is Jessica Simpson who lays down the comeback.

Possible Tony Romo comeback:

Â Â Â Â “He’s just jealous because he’s not as good looking as me, even though I would totally go down on him.”

Possible Jessica Simpson comeback:

Â Â Â Â “What are Steelers anyway, do they steal stuff?”

Possible Big Ben reponse:

Â Â Â Â “You’re a hooker.”