A Blast Magazine blog
June 16, 2009 Leave a Comment
Here is one video that I found on Huffington Post that has yet to be taken off of youtube. In true Artie fashion, after Buck mentions that TMZ is his favorite website, he asked if his second favortie was suckingcock.com. The man is a legend and would be perfect taking over as host of the Sports Soup cause that guy makes the show actually suck cock. Also, check out the OT part of the show where it really gets ugly and the shit hits the fan when Artie starts talking about jizz.
May 26, 2009 Leave a Comment
A staple from the online video scene for a while now recently went to a Bulls game and proved himself once again. Here are parts 1 and 2 from Mr. Chi City’s experience with floor seats, definitely make sure you check out when he just rips Starbury during the pregame warmups about that head tattoo that makes Steve-O’s tattoo artist look like a modern day Van Gogh or some shit.
May 13, 2009 Leave a Comment
This film by Todd Phillips, the guy who brought you Old School and Road Trip, comes the next great buddy comedy called The Hangover. I’m just glad Tyson was in it so I had the smallest bit of reason to post this.
May 11, 2009 Leave a Comment
In watching Howard TV that last few days, there has been a lot of conversation regarding Gary throwing out the first pitch at a Mets game. Well, it happened this Sunday and the talk he had with a sports psychologist obviously didn’t do the trick. Stay tuned as I try to find a nice little story about Bob Uecker from Howard TV.
May 4, 2009 1 Comment
This interview with Erin Andrews truly shows how much better Miss Kolber truly is. EA is talking about crying during Sleepless in Seattle and reading TMZ, while if this same interview was done with Suzy I feel the answers would be a little bit different. I could see Kolber reading WithLeather and only admit to crying after she sees a perfectly executed sweep block from the left guard. This might sound a little dykey on Kolber’s part or gay on my part, but I just don’t want to be stuck talking about who Perez Hilton thinks is going to lose their chihuahua on partybingo or be next to come out of the closet which is almost assured after hearing the thoughts of Andrews. Oh and I could guess Suzy’s dream date, he’s commonly known as The Second Coming.
April 9, 2009 Leave a Comment
Taking a page out of Major League, a high school baseball team in Tampa recently killed a snake and buried on their field to hopefully turn around their season. The coach of the team was present and has since been removed from his position.The greatest thing would be if PETA started showing up at this team’s games living their new slogan, I’d Rather Go Naked Than Wear Fur. 
March 30, 2009 1 Comment
My personal friends over at FATAWESOME have ventured into the sports world with their videos. Start protecting your manhood, because they will soon castrate the entire sports community.
Feb. 3, 2009 Leave a Comment
Here are a couple interviews, one each for the King of Pop and the Steeler safety respectively. The first is of Jacko doing what he does best, being creepy and off-putting. The second is of Polamalu on the 700 Club, where he probably had a leg-press competition with Pat Robertson. Watch these two videos and you will notice that their voices are eerily similar. Hopefully Troy doesn’t start sleeping with other people’s kids in his bed. That might be a tough one to talk about in the lockerroom, which is oddly enough one place that MJ would pay to be.
Feb. 1, 2009 Leave a Comment
Here is a link from Galactic Binder, and yes this is a site devoted entirely to Star Wars. It’s their Top 10 Star Wars-Sports Crossovers. The list is pretty classic, but there is definitely way to much George Lucas for me. That guy is the definition of a sketch. Also, how many times a day do you think the writer of this post beats off to Princess Leia in that metal bikini from Return of the Jedi. Let’s just say that the amount can only be achieved by using the Force and an absurd amount of hotel body lotion.
Jan. 29, 2009 1 Comment
7 AM: Roll over in bed and say to my wife, “You’ve gotta ask yourself one question, do you know what it’s like to play in the National Football League?â€
7:01 AM: My wife responds by kicking me in the groin after realizing that I pissed in the bed again. Yet another flashback to my playing days.
7:15 AM: Roll out of bed and limp to the bathroom. Wingo and I have NFL Live today, and I’ve gotta study my lines before we go on-air. Absolutely no question we’re talking about the National Football League.
7:30 AM: Call my son and ask him how his “goat†is growing in. He seems drunk and pissed off and asks me why the hell I’m calling him when its 5:30 AM in Arizona on a Friday morning. I respond by saying “You’ve gotta ask yourself one question when you’re talking about the National Football League,†and hang up.
10:00 AM: I arrive at the ESPN campus after getting lost again. I see my boy Wingo sittin’ in the studio reading over some stats and news from the night before. I tell him that I’ve been studying my lines and am ready for the show. He proceeds to inform me that I had been reading my 3-sentence part for my monthly appearance on Guiding Light. Shit.
10:02 AM: Wingo asks me how I’m doing.
1:14 PM: After thinking about it, I respond, “Absolutely no question about the National Football League, I’m talking about the National Football League, no question.â€
2:03 PM: I just finished my lunch: 4 EAS bars and some Bengay for my knees. You’ve gotta absolutely ask yourself the question, “hey stink was all the pain and suffering worth it?”
2:08 PM: As far as I’m concerned the National Football League and blitz packages are absolutely worth more than my family. No question, now you ask yourself.
2:39 PM: My phone rings. . . It’s Sears. The Suits on the other end want me to promote a new ultimate football experience. I tell them that the true ultimate football experience is absolutely no question in the trenches of the National Football League where the true tough guys play. John Elway, I played with him. Brett Favre no question, leadership, football, national, ask yourself.”
3:45 PM: I’ve just changed into my new brown and white pinstripe suit. We’re talkin about Perry Ellis, National Football League, Super Bowl.
3:58: We’re just about to go on the air when I get a call from the Suits at the Life Time Network . They’re coming over this weekend to film more of my family’s upcoming reality show. We’re talkin about. Stink Schlereth. on a channel. designed for women. Absolutely, from a football and physical man standpoint, you’ve gotta ask yourself if you’re humbled by the honor, no question I asked myself, talkin about absolutely.
4:00 PM: Me and Trey go on the air. I make sure to relate any NFL story to the fact that I played with John Elway.
4:17 PM: I stop the show to mention that I played with John Elway once again and ask the entire viewing audience, “When you step in that National Footbal League locker room and put that jersey on, you’re representing the National Football League. Absolutely, no question, you’ve gotta ask yourself if you’re that football team.â€
4:18 PM: Wingo asks me what the hell I’m talking about.
4:21 PM: Let me tell you what, you know what,Usain Bolt, no question football absolutely i know fast guys, send them in no question. We’re talkin about physical, line up and hit you in the mouth physicality football, on and off the field no question they’re a physical football team.
4:23 PM: I walk over to the EA Sports Virtual Field and can’t find any of the players I see when I’m watching on TV. Absolutely, no question, I’ve gotta ask myself where the players are.
4:30 PM: I spent 7 minutes on the virtual field analyzing the 6 yard quick-out pattern yard by yard and stressing the importance of getting the National Football League football into the wide receiver’s hands who is wearing National Football League sponsored gloves. Lastly, I divulged some information that most analysts do not even know… absolutely no question that football is a ’physical-contact-line-up-and-hit-you-in-the-mouth-blitz-package-offensive-scheme type of game.’ Ne absolutely no question that the show’s over.
5:00 PM: I start my trip home after mapquesting my address. Those head slaps must’ve gotten the best of me during my career. By the way, I played with Elway and the Denver Broncos.
5:15 PM: My Red Dodge Ram breaks down on the side of the interstate, apparently the gas gauge wasn’t broken.
5:16 PM: I call my fellow Alaskan Governor Palin for some advice. We’re both from Alaska, but I wasn’t lucky enough to be blessed with her intelligence. Absolutely no question she could’ve been an O-Coordinator in the National Football League. You’ve gotta ask yourself that question when you’re talking about a football team.
7:00 PM: The tow truck arrives. The spare time gave me a chance to study my 3 Guiding Light sentences.
7:45 PM: I finally get home. It’s been a long day.
7:47 PM: Dive into my 8th EAS MyoPlex Bar. Absolutely no question Now I’m done.
8: 00 PM: I fall asleep watching clips of Super Bowl XXXII. Absolutely no question that Elway looked great.
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