#5 – Jake “The Snake” Roberts’ cobra snaps into the Macho Man

After losing a retirement match to Jake Roberts at Wrestlemania 7 back in 1991, Jake tied up Randy Savage in the ropes.  What was a supposed to be a quick strike by the cobra turned into an vicious attack, as the snake continued to chomp on the Macho Man’s bicept for several seconds.

#4 – There will be no funeral for the N-word on Booker T’s watch

Before he was “The King” Booker T was cutting promos with Mean Gene in WCW.  Prior to a four corners match during WCW’s Spring Stampede pay-per-view which would determine Hulk Hogan’s next opponent, Booker T drops some real talk on the Hulkster.

#3 – TNA announcers caught reading from the script

Just because the TNA promotion hasn’t been around for very long doesn’t mean they haven’t had time to completely embarass themselves.  When a match between Sting and Abyss went outside the arena, directors at the control board had no camera to switch to besides the one focused on their two announcers Don West and Mike Tenay, calling the match… without even seeing it.

#2 – When breakable glass isn’t so breakable

When Kurt Angle faced off against Shane-O-Mac in a street fight on a King of the Ring pay per view, one of the most exciting scripted spots of the night was suppose to be Shane getting tossed through a pair of glass sheets.  Known for being a part of several hardcore wrestling stunts, this shouldn’t have been such a big deal for the littlest McMahon.  But, the glass refused to break… twice.

#1 – Are you using that chair?

Old school ECW is known for not only it’s wrestlers’ hardcore style, but also for its fan’s drunken douchebaggery.  At ECW’s 1994 Hardcore Heaven, the legendary Cactus Jack and Terry Funk wrestled to a no-contest decision.  At this point,  the tag team Public Enemy stormed the ring and attacked.  The resourceful Terry Funk turned to the fans and called for a chair… and he got one, followed by hundreds more.

And on the seventh day, Tom 3:16 rested.

Mr. Irrelevant – Wait, The Redskins Had An Actual Mascot

Empty the Bench – The NBA’s Most Depressing Players of 2008-09

The Sports Culture – The Many Gang Sings of OJ Mayo

Big League Stew – Dave Parker And The Greatest Shirt In The History Of Shirts

Gunaxin – The All-Whitey Basketball Team

Alana G – The REAL Shaq Is Really Twittering

The World of Isaac – Stacy Keibler Vs. Blair O’Neal

FanIQ – Denver Nuggets Cheerleader Makes Announcers Go Speechless

Blaze of Love – The NBA Ugly List

Yardbarker – Sheed’s Nicknames For His Teammates

Pittsburgh Sports And Miniature Ponies – Sydney Crosby Is Good At Soccer, Too

I cannot use the photo anymore due to copyright issues, please check it out by clicking on this link

As for the match, Warrior was victorious over the NWE Champion, Orlando Jordan. He then promptly state that he wished to vacate the belt. When is this guy going to be back on tv. I just want to hear some commentary on him from the Soup.

Happy belated birthday to former (and present in my heart) WWF heavyweight champion of the world, comic book writer, and true American patriot, The Ultimate Warrior. 49 years ago on June 16, The Warrior’s mother’s birth canal received a gorilla press drop, and introduced to the world one of the greatest human beings ever to walk God’s green earth. Although he has been somewhat out of the spotlight for the past few years, the Warrior has kept a blog and even posts videos from time to time when he isn’t busy teaching the world that queering doesn’t make the world work.

Although Vince McMahon’s Million Dollar Mania was quite the promotional vehicle, I believe The Ultimate Warrior has trumped him with his recent contest to spread the news of his return to the squared circle on June 25th in Barcelona, Spain. On his latest video blog, Warrior offers sweat drenched, used workout tank tops off of his own back to a few lucky fans. All you have to do, is submit an inspirational comment to the Warrior’s website, and it better fucking be good. Remember, this is the same guy who beat the shit out of Hulk Hogan in his prime. Check out the video, but you will have to wait through a solid 2 minutes and 47 seconds of Warrior’s bicep workout and a modern day pose down before he speaks but it is well worth it.

 

Even the soundtrack is epic… In fact, cancel the 2009 Academy awards and give all of the awards to the Warrior right now.

Best Actor: Ultimate Warrior

Best Supporting Actor: Ultimate Warrior’s Massive Pythons

Best Actress: Any man who dare stand next to the Warrior.

You think Barack Obama is an inspirational speaker? Ultimate Warrior for president… of the Universe. Rest assure his platform will not be one of “change” but instead, one of death, destruction and clotheslines. Here is a tidbit of Warrior’s awe inspiring rhetoric in case you missed it:

“I wear these white tank tops for a couple reasons, I’ll give you one of them today. Cause it reminds me of a time when I was a young kid, and it was the only kind of tank top, athletic top you could get. And the only protein performance enhancement you had was the milk in the refrigerator and busting you your ass and busting balls inside the gym.”

In related news, the Iron Sheik is still awaiting a response to his open challenge to The Ultimate Warrior.

This post comes from special correspondent Tom, for some much needed WWE action. Tom can be found at mindexplosion.net.

As if you needed any more reason to watch professional wrestling, Vince McMahon has vowed to make it rain on random fans each Monday during Raw during the geniusly titled “McMahon’s Million Dollar Mania.” What do you need to do to win? Watch Monday Night Raw to get the password, and just pick up the phone when good ol’ Vince rings your house. Oh ya, and be lucky… because while you entered, 1.5 million other people did as well.

After the first match of the night last week, Vince called Daniel Crummett and laid a $200,000 smack down on his candy ass. Later on he got stingy and gave a mere 75 grand to Justin Guy. The real question remains, will this be enough money for either them to buy girlfriends?

When McMahon was about half way through his million dollar give away, he called the home of Sarah Fuhrmann. The chairman and CEO set the entire female gender back a few decades when he informed Sarah that her grand total winnings would be $2. Some may call it mean, I call it a deserved punishment for the married middle aged woman who was watching professional wrestling on a Monday night and not baking apple pies in the kitchen.